


how do i delete messages

by leonkarnak



Category: The Caligula Effect (Video Game)
Genre: everyone is bi or gay because straight people dont exist, general clownery, horny people have rights, mentions of being trans and dysphoria, mix of game and anime canon because i can do what i want, okay less vague mentions of nsfw, stork clown.png, this wont ever be even a little serious and thats a promise, vague mentions of nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14968235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonkarnak/pseuds/leonkarnak
Summary: Thorn seeks a way to communicate with all of the Ostinato musicians quickly.It goes poorly.





	1. horny people rights

  
# general  
  


ostinato_thorn  
Hello.  
Is everyone present?  


* * *

kagi-p  
im here so really  
were like. set for life   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
its like so weird that no one asked~!  


* * *

kagi-p  
youre such a crackhead i cant stand you  
she literally JUST asked if everyone was here  
you really thought you had my wig snatched w that one  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
oh Wow   
my wig is shaking  


* * *

kagi-p  
okay thank you but also   
w  
what did you do to your name   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Whats wrong with his name?  
other than the fact he’s Ike-P?  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
how do i leave this chat  


* * *

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ SHADOWKNIFE █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁  
^   


* * *

kagi-p  
  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I don’t understand what is happening here.   
Kagi-P who are these people? I can’t read their names.   
Gardenia is Kuchinashi, I believe. And Sadistic is Mirei?  
Sweet-P is here as well. Who are the other people?  


* * *

kagi-p   
sjkbdfjksdf,jkfdlskhl;fk;lhdfsklhklasdAD\’D/????/   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
This is a private chat. If these are strangers, please leave.   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
im shaking this is so funny   
pour one out for ike-P and shadow knife who are about to be kicked for being 12  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
@▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ SHADOWKNIFE█ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁  is Shadow Knife.  
@✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED !✬✬ is Ike-P.   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
You ruined it.   
We could’ve been free of Ike-P.   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I see. We are still missing Shounen Doll and Stork, then.   
As well as Wicked.  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
is wicked coming ?~   
  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
h   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
what the fuck is that   
wait  
who is that ?~♡   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Ah, good.   
Wicked is present.   
Just waiting on Stork and Shounen Doll, then.   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
thats wicked?   


* * *

kagi-p   
should have known she was a crackhead  
classic ostinato musicians   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Technically, she could be correct.  
Whoever ‘Ritsu Shikishima’ is, they could very well be a virgin.  
Like Stork   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
That’s hurtful!  
I am not a virgin!.  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Fuck.  


* * *

kagi-p   
look at what you did  
now hes here   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
Horny people have rights too!!!!!!!!!!  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i need to get out of here  


* * *

LOTRFan103  
...  


* * *

kagi-p   
AHSDLGHJDK;KLSDJFKDLL;KSF’FL;KSDF  
@everyone  LOOK AT SHOUNEN DOLLS USERNAME  
IM SHAAAAAAAAAAAAKINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
LOTRFan 0-102 were taken i guess   
wait why is stork still   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
It’s perfectly natural. Sometimes you see a hot person and you wonder about them!!!  
Their skin, how it feels, what the clothes are hiding.   
And sometimes when you get thinking about it you get HORNY!!!!!!!!!! And that’s okay!  
And when you get horny you can have sex (Which I have had)  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
typing   
ASDHJDKLF;JGSD;LKG?  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
It’s not fair that I get specifically called out for being horny! We’re all different! Mu loves us all equally and supports us.  
And I’m not a virgin. Please stop being hurtful  


* * *

kagi-p   
PLEASE GOD SOMEONE SCEENSHOT THIS?  
SHOUNEN DOLL SHADOW KNIFE AND KCUHI ALL WENT OFFLINE   
HES STILL TYPING   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
People deserve to be horny!  
That’s all I have to say for now…..   
Sorry for ‘going off’ so to speak!!!  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
https://puu.sh/Strks.jpg  
I got it, kagi-P.  


* * *

kagi-p   
god thank you youre braver than the marines   
ALSO i searched ritsu shikishima in the school roster and   
  
if hes a virgin he wont be much longer bitch   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
you cant roast stork for horny and then say this   
hes mediocre at best 5/10   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
HES NOT EVEN MEDIOCRE HES BORING!!!   
pay Attention.. . . .. to true beauty…. When it’s right in front of you  


* * *

kagi-p   
you look like a boy band reject youre not really my type   
also sweet-p you hate men so you dont count   
shikishima could really get it at any point tho   
i want him to rearrange my organs   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
/delete   
delete   
How do I delete messages?  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
...Hover over the message.  
A line of 3 dots will appear. Click them and hit delete.  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
It didn’t work?   


* * *

kagi-p   
rip LOTRFan103   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
thorn did the equivalent of putting someones head on a pike as a warning   
“ye who may enter, kagi-p horny”   


* * *

kagi-p   
hes hot idc what yall say   
literally none of you are able to critique me   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I’m starting to think this isn’t the best place to hold a serious meeting.   
Everyone please come to the common room.   


* * *

kagi-p   
wig missing   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
This chat was a mistake.  


* * *


	2. who the fuck is shogo satake

  
# general  
  


sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Okay everyone it’s time for us to talk about it.  
We’ve been silent too long.  


* * *

kagi-p  
yeah we need to talk about it  
we need to get rid of the horse in the room   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
its elephant in the room  
and we should respect others privacy ~   
discussing sensitive topics like this isnt very deamy cute !   


* * *

kagi-p  
we already all know youre fake  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
so true  
we’re only talking about this if we agree to delete the messages though   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Of course we’re deleting the messages.   
I’m not dying over this.  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
do i want to know what this is about  


* * *

kagi-p  
omg kuchis online storks horny rant didnt drive her away forever  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
why is kagi-p saying “i want him to rearrange my organs” pinned  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
don’t worry about that  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i want to leave again  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
wait are we discussing it?  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
We are  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
okay hang on dont say anything  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
whats happening   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
ok im sitting now im ready  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
HELLO EVERYONE~!  
Are we disucssing something?  
Thorn isn’t online! Should I get her   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
NO  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
I’ll kill you not in a fun way  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
several people are typing   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Or a horny way   


* * *

kagi-p  
storks trying to get us all killed huh  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
@STORK_XXX_ how many fingers do you have  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Just a dead way   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
What did I do …???   
I have ten fingers….?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
how many would you like to keep  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
  
I’ll just….. Go offline…… and not get Thorn….  


* * *

kagi-p  
stork going invisible mode  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
lets just cut to the chase   
who the fuck is shogo satake  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
do none of you know who shogo is  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Kuchinashi do you know something?   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
personally my theory is thorn has a crush   
but shes a bitch so she doesnt understand  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i dont know anything but how does no one know  
i thought i didnt know because im new-ish  
and everyone else knew who that was   


* * *

Shounen Doll  
...I think Thorn is angry Shogo won’t pay attention to her….?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
yea  


* * *

kagi-p  
bold of us to assume thorn feels love  


* * *

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ SHADOWKNIFE █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁   
Clearly Shogo Satake is her mortal enemy.  
Put on this earth just to torment her.  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
I think Thorn mentioned once wanting to step on his face.  


* * *

kagi-p  
kinky  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
cant you just search him in the school registry?   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
We’ve tried that. I even made Toshizo gather information.  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
i asked my little kittens  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
your what  


* * *

kagi-p  
your what  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
apparently he is widely known as “the fighter”  
but there isn’t much more information on him….  


* * *

kagi-p  
hes a cryptid  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
a cryptid? Like bigfoot?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
yeah or wicked  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
WOW!   
Shogo Satake is Wicked?  


* * *

kagi-p  
I TOLD YALL HE WAS JUST GOING INVISIBLE  


* * *

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ SHADOWKNIFE █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁   
Shogo Satake is not Wicked!   
Thorn would not allow her enemy among us.   


* * *

kagi-p  
unless she wants to fuck him (she does)  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
(she does)  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
I can look for information on Shogo Satake!   
I’m very good at finding things out about people!  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
oh this is going to be bad  


* * *

kagi-p  
freak but youre being so valid right now  
send us pics i wanna know whos dick could possibly enchant thorns witch pussy  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
i cant stand you but same  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
he cant possibly be prettier than moi!  
we should all drop the topic and talk about the things that matter in life  
  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
anyways  


* * *

kagi-p  
anyways   


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
shogo satake is a virgin   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
you guys are so mean ! and with bad taste too  
wait wicked?   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
WHO IS WICKED ????  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anna this ones for your shogothorn loving ass even tho its just implied
> 
> next time on ostinato discord : who is wicked and the start of the go home club


	3. one of the worst things ive ever read

  
# general  
  


♡sweetpea♡  
god life is so hard when youre as cute as i am  
bottom text  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Is there context for this?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
i had to re-brainwash some little crackheads  
i need to stop going to ramen shops and just order in or smth  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Ramen?  
Oh. I see. You should have told me.  
I would have kicked their ass.  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
not worth it for some little rats who freak out over some pixelation  
wheres kagi-p i said bottom and he didnt post   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
”actually im vers”  
OH NO HES STILL NOT POSTING AFTER THAT   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Kagi-P is at the new student entrance ceremony.  
You know.   
Like all the musicians should be.   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
i cant read idk….  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
... What a surprise.  
Ike-P can’t read. The shock is too much to handle….   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
wow shounen doll just took ike-ps wig and went offline  
iconic   
wait everyone deleted you know what right   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Deleted what  
How do I delete messages ?   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
We weren’t referring to this chat. Don’t worry about it  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Why did Wicked say Shogo Satake is a virgin?  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
not to derail but what is kagi-p doing  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
As I said before, he is giving a speech at the entrance ceremony.  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
yeah learn to listen kuchi  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
the ground is literally shaking  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
thats my heart… beating for my little kittens...  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
wow i didnt know you felt that way  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
of course! My love for them…. Could even shake this ground...  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
does kagi-p know ?  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
?  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
your heartbeat sounds a lot like  
peter pan syndrome at 100% volume   
also screaming   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
ike-p fell in love w kagi p?  
was it. Horny at first sight  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Why would people be screaming at the entrance ceremony  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
@kagi-p what the fuck is going on  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
ok i was nearby and i got slightly close and kuchis right its shaking  


* * *

kagi-p  
THE HOT MAN  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
yes  


* * *

kagi-p  
HE ESCAPED IM SHAKING  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
what do you mean escaped  
did you try to entrap him with your twink charms or what   
literally what are you doing   


* * *

kagi-p  
I DID THE EXIT CEREMONY AS A SENIOR TOO RIGHT  
SO THE HOT GUY REALIZED I GUESS? LIKE HE WOEK UP   
AND STARTED FREAKING OUT SO I   
GOT THE DIGIHEADS BUT HE ESCAPED ?   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
you know the song doesnt have to be max volume  
mu will come regardless   
like the ground doesn’t need to shake it still works   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Poor Kagi-P. Can’t toy with the man he wants to.  
I sympathize.   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
at least kagi-p can turn to true beauty now...  
instead of sweaty men who run away from mobius   


* * *

kagi-p  
oh he was sweaty  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
ike-p if this ends the way i think its going to  


* * *

kagi-p  
but dont get me wrong i wouldve licked that sweat straight from his pits  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
ill  
LLLLOOOOK WHAT YOU DID   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
thats one of the worst things ive read   
and the other was also by kagi-p   
i need a second mobius to get away from you  


* * *

kagi-p  
there were other horny worthy ppl there also but  
he made such a face when i said “senpai” and he made a scene   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
i just wanna say im really sorry for making kagi-p say that  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Mu has reported to me.  
A rogue has taken down several Digiheads.  
Name is Ritsu Shikishima. Be @ common room in 15.   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
oh no  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Oh, no.  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
oh please god no  


* * *

kagi-p  
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short but it 133am and i finally added the plot so really, its perfect
> 
> in case its too vague : sweet p is implying some ppl realized her "out of mobius" life and kicked their asses. mirei is being supportive because fake bitches stay together


	4. im a vers

  
# general  
  


kagi-p  
iiimm so valid right now ho my god  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
you want to fuck ritsu youre not valid at all   
ugly virgin bitch   


* * *

kagi-p  
do you come here jsut to call people virgins  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
if i cant call people virgins here, in mobius  
then what do i have   
lol just kidding. I have bombs   


* * *

kagi-p  
okay  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
wicked really comes for everyones wigs every time huh  
no wonder she doesnt talk much at meetings she knows shes too much for us   


* * *

kagi-p  
nothing can break my stride rn  
i have to interact with mr hot-virgin as part of being a musician   
idk whos gonna be riding who but itll happen  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
you worded it that way JUST so we wouldnt call you a bottom  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
(Kensuke Voice)  
I’m a vers   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
kensuke has 3 buttons  
1\. im a vers   
2\. senpaiiiiiiii   
and 3, harder   


* * *

kagi-p  
  
i am a vers   
dont hate me… because you aint me   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
  
i didnt know where to add ‘im a vers’   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I shouldn’t have to say this, but we are re-brainwashing the rogues.  
Not…. Any of the things Kagi-P is saying.  


* * *

kagi-p  
i AM going to re-brainwash him but im also going to fuck him  
i will do my job, but also get that sweet dick   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
I support you, Kagi-P! ╰(▔∀▔)╯  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Are we really letting Kagi-P take first shot?  
He’s new, and his heart is in the wrong place.   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
he isnt using his heart even just his dick  


* * *

kagi-p  
  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
It makes most sense to let Kagi-P do this.  
It’s only one rogue, and his presence at the school should help greatly.   
I’m not convinced the rest of you even attend, minus Kuchinashi.   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
if we feed him maybe the bad posts will stop  
besides whats the worst that could happen   
“kagi-p joins the rogue bc horny and we kick both their asses”   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
when that happens i vote we make that the group chat topic  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
Kagi-P wouldn’t betray us!!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
i can hear the always sunny theme playing in my head  
kagi-p ill kill you if you do that   


* * *

kagi-p  
none of you have any faith in me  
im not gonna betray the musicians   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
  


* * *


	5. kagi-p betrays the musicians for some dick

  
# general  
  


ostinato_thorn  
I suppose there are a few things that need to be addressed.  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
I CANT FUCKIGN DO THIS  
I TOLD YOU ALL   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
im going to kill him i told him this clearly  
i said if you do that ill kill you and he   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I am concerned by the fact that other rogues were present.   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
I TOLD YOU WHEN IT HAPPENED IT  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i really thought it was a joke. I really thought i was making a joke  
he really did that   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
I’m going to wring his neck  
Sweet-P can help.   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
I thought he was nice…. :^(  
But then he betrayed us….. :^(   


* * *

Shounen Doll  
...Kagi-P betrayed us..?  
… I missed the meeting……   
I don’t know how I feel….   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
try enraged  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
IM FUCKING SEETHING  
LOOK. LOOK AT THIS.   
  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Are you fucking kidding me.  
Is he really doing this.   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Kagi-P’s betrayal will not go forgotten, but can we please talk about  


* * *

kagi-p  
hewwo  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
the other rogues   
Oh, god damnit.   


* * *

kagi-p  
hewwo miss thorn is thewe an issue  
miss thown ? miss thownnnnnnn  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
oh my god  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
YYOU SAID YOU BANNED HIM WHY IS HE  
HERE   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
OH KAGI-P REMEMBER YOUR PINNED MESSAGE HERE  
ILL FUCKIGN REARRANGE YOUR ORGANS  
BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU LIKE IT  


* * *

kagi-p  
ritsu is asking me about my traumas  
you ffucking. yuo fucking wish you were me.,   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Why would anyone here want that.  
Why would anyone on the planet want that.   


* * *

kagi-p  
  
(/▽＼*)｡o○♡  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE JUST FUCKING GO TO THORNS PC  
AND KICK HIM   
IM GOING TO LOSE IT   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i just blocked him i can still see notifs for blocked messages  
but i dont have to read them   


* * *

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ SHADOWKNIFE █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁  
I have had Kagi-P blocked since this chat was created.  
My eyes could not take it….  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
Wait…!!!!!   
Kagi-P, can’t you just bring the rogue into the musicians?  
Instead of abandoning us…. uu...  
(｡╯︵╰｡)   


* * *

kagi-p  
oh no lol  
i actually do wanna go home now   
i mean im not gonna overshare but   
im not even happy here lolllll   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
literally WHAT are you even saying  
im blocking you like kuchi and sk   
thorn i want next try   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
i wanna go next  
i need to show kagi-p… my !   
JUSTICE!!! ✬✬✬✬✬✬   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Can we do this in the meeting room?  
Seeing as Kagi-P can… read this.   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
so true  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Let us go, then. I expect everyone there in 15.  


* * *

kagi-p  
kk see u soon  
[https://twitter.com/dril/status/757914951868485632?s=19 ](https://twitter.com/dril/status/757914951868485632?s=19)[](https://twitter.com/dril/status/757914951868485632?s=19)  


* * *


	6. the worst birthday yet

  
# general  
  


gardenia ❋  
ok how did that even happen  
this is mobius so these crimes cannot continue  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
… I feel like I understand Kagi-P, now.  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
It wasn’t that bad!!!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
it was so bad  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
...We shouldn’t have tried this. We really… shouldn’t have tried this.  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
cream corn is banned in mobius  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
i dont remember who said ‘kagi p is over dinner party   
but they shouldnt have   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
why did we just use stuff we found in the cupboard  
why didnt we go shopping  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
theres a lot of whys in this situation  
fuck kagi-p this is his fault   


* * *

kagi-p  
idk what yall did but true <3  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
please die  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i backread  
ike-p did it   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
did what?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
rat bitch  
i bet kensuke got him   
theyre probably planning something never trust a twink   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
im NOT a twink.  


* * *

kagi-p  
[i go offline as fast as i can before  
not fast enough ,   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
im a twunk, at the least. Maybe an otter. how dare you   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Hang on.  


* * *

kagi-p  
AN OTTER ?  
HUH ? HUH ?   
HUUUHHHH?   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i need out of this chat right now  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
I think he’s joking!!  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
im not joking! Im manly  
im masculine   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Who started this.  
Sweet-P.   


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
I’m handing Toshizo my phone.  
I can’t do this again.   


* * *

kagi-p  
its like. Thorns birthday-ish and yall did this  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
This is a terrible birthday present.  
You are correct.  
Die, traitor.   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
what do you want, thorn?  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Mobius to be eternal.  


* * *

kagi-p  
shogo satakes dick  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
kensuke to die  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
new clothes? I can hook you up~  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Money?  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I already said what I want.  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
Romance!?  


* * *

kagi-p  
’romance’  
shogo satake’s dick  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
...Some peace and quiet?  


* * *

kagi-p  
peace and quiet  
with shogo satake’s dick  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
If Thorn wants Shogo Satake’s dick, I support her!  
Indulging is good~!  


* * *

kagi-p  
indulging  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
in shogo satakes dick  


* * *

kagi-p  
in shogo satakes dick  
OH LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVENT BLOCKED ME AFTER ALL  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
kill yourself  


* * *

kagi-p  
yes mistress <3 whatever you ask  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
OH SCARY  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
oooh my god nevermind dont talk to me  
scary. Im scared  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
Wa~o!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
please god do not wao at this bitch  


* * *

kagi-p  
i-im sorry mistress did i do something wrong  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
ooooh scaryyyyyyy  


* * *

kagi-p  
mistress,,, uwuw…. If ive been a bad boy pwwease punish me  
[i roll over exposing my tender nipples]  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Thank you all.  
Thanks to you all, it’s been the worst birthday yet.  


* * *

  
@ daily_aphorisms  
  


ostinato_thorn  
Would you like to die together?  


* * *

daily_aphorisms  
?  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed thorns birthday but this is for you you little crackhead rat bitch we love you <3


	7. cheers, love!

  
# general  
  


♡sweetpea♡  
i mean we shouldnt actually need to explain it  
its really simple  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
This is the third time in three days we’ve talked about this.  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
i dont believe that you dont get it   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
i mean we’re  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
you cant be this dumb  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
we’re trying to help you and its really  


* * *

kagi-p  
Several people are typing…   


* * *

  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
its really hard for us when you just wont listen  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
you’re the ones not listening~!  
i have a reliable source!  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
no  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
its motor oil  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Wait, what was that?  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
it has properties!  


* * *

kagi-p  
GIRL WHAT PROPERTIES  


* * *

  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
properties!!! good ones!  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
NO  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Who keeps joining and leaving the server?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT PROPERTIES  
wait huh  


* * *

  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
NO?????   


* * *

kagi-p  
what are you even trying to do  
hes gone again  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
...Why does he keep leaving?  


* * *

  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
FUCK YOU DONT GIVE ME OVERWATCH TWICE   


* * *

gardenia ❋  
what  


* * *

  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
i want to get the dark souls one   


* * *

kagi-p  
all this for that  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
yeah   
so  


* * *

kagi-p  
its not that serious  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
to you  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
And… gone again.  
Thorn, what’s happening~?  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I’ve found a new musician.  
I did not expect this.  


* * *

  


* * *

kagi-p  
ooooh he got it  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[i put down the gun]  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
...Alright, then.  
Everyone, this is Lucid. The newest musician.  
Lucid, please feel free to ignore Kagi-P.  
I don’t know why he’s still here.  


* * *

kagi-p  
im actually very hot and cool  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
pics pwease ?  


* * *

kagi-p  
  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
yea youre right  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
HELLO?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
hello ?  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
What.  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
hello ?  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
yeah .  
can i have a role please  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
no back up  
HELLO ?  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
I’ll graciously move past the terrible thing you just said.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
listen theres not many good men to work with hes hot  
like hes a twink hot so thats a consideration to consider but  
am i gonna pass up his hole? no  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
this cannot be happening  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
im just saying id top him  
and shogo satake but thats besides the point  
no one asked for a list of my top 10 men in mobius  


* * *

kagi-p  
i do  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
I do~!!!!!!!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
’’shogo satake’’ im scared  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Never say that name again.  
Which colour would you like? I only know how to select the defaults.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
the one youre using  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Try again.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
the one youre using [2]  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Try again. [2].  


* * *

kagi-p  
  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
mobius is supposed to give me dreams  
i cant even have my colour  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Correct. You cannot. It is mine.  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
someones trying thorn im shaking  


* * *

kagi-p  
im losing it  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
fine ill take peach  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Done.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
just saying this is homophobia  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
no its not?  


* * *

kagi-p  
thorn hates gays its true  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
thats sad  


* * *

kagi-p  
its so sad  
you know what lucid ?  
i think we’re gonna get along just fine .  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Oh, goddamnit.  


* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to flynn for making this chapter much funnier then it was originally gonna be by inspiring me .
> 
> i love yew rat


	8. but im in there

  
# general  
  


ostinato_thorn  
I’ve made a mistake.  


* * *

kagi-p  
lucid senpai… please….  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
oh you think ?  
you think ?  
whys that, thorn? why do you think  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[i lean in close, lips brushing against your ear]  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
that this was  


* * *

kagi-p  
[i gasp, my fingers grasping at your back]  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
a bad  


* * *

kagi-p  
s-senpai !?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
I hate you.   
”Oh, Mirei-sama, why do you look down upon the peons?”  
This is why   


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[i start to slowly crawl into your ear]  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
idewhat  
what  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
huh ?  


* * *

gardenia ❋  
im going for a walk suddenly  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
....I’m sorry, Kuchinashi.  
Lucid, please stop interacting with the traitor.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
no im in love with him now  
we’re getting married in the spring   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
WOW~!  
Good luck to the two of you!  
Where’s the honeymoon? |･ω･)   


* * *

kagi-p  
dont tell him he just wants to watch   


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
WOW! You caught me, ahahaha~!  
But I’m curious!  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
lets let him  
lets turn this into an ot3  


* * *

sα∂ιsтιc x qυεεη  
Will you all shut up?  
I can’t believe I, Mirei, am being subjected to...  
This.  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Oh, Shadow Knife. Good morning.  
It’s not often you’re online.  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
omg he’s already offline  
wait~! shadow knife~!  
its not all hopeless! im here for you~  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
wowww…! i think he mightve gone offline harder!  
amazing….!  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
shut up ugly  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
WHO ARE YOU CALLING UGLY?  
YOU PATHETIC NARCISSISTIC LITTLE RAT  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[i snuggle deeper into kensuke-chans ear]  
[i breathe in]   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬   
its not narcissism! im just recognizing my own value!  
you dont know anything about real beauty!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
AUGHHHHH WHO NEEDS REAL BEAUTY  
IM THE QUEEN OF DREAMY-CUTE AESTHETIC!  
YOU COULD NEVER!! NEVER EVER EVER  


* * *

kagi-p  
[i gasp and instinctively try to pull you out]   


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
BE AS CUTE AS I AM  


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
hah! if i were as cute as you i wouldnt be cute at all!  
so your right!  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
*You’re  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
*Y’ouer  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
like you know anything!  
you brag about your popularity all the time  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
No.  
..Are you serious? Are the normies this illiterate?  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
but minezawa beats you all the time!  
hes wayyyy more popular!  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
um sweaty :) i think you mean  
*illetarite  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[your attempt is valiant]  
[but im in there]   


* * *

✬✬JUSTICE IS SERVED!✬✬  
MINEZAWA IS JUST A PHASE!  
IM THE LONGTERM!  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
the phase has been lasting a long time  
sad how you cling to relevancy~!  


* * *

STORK_XXX_  
AHAHAHA! I think you all have your appeals!  
Including Minezawa-san!  


* * *

Shounen Doll  
Shut up! Your spelling is making my head hurt.  
You’re so uneducated!  


* * *

kagi-p  
[my moaning gets louder]  
[im close]   


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
*yuor’ae’re  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
[i hit your earstate (ear prostate)]  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Enough.  
Everyone come to the meeting room now.   
Don’t bring your phones.   
Including Wicked and Lucid.   


* * *

kagi-p  
im omw   


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Not including the traitor.  
In fact, if you see him, kill him.   
I’ll be waiting.   


* * *

lucidityprototype  
srry babe my mom said you cant come over  


* * *

♡sweetpea♡  
augghhhhh!!! im so tired of reading this shit!  
im on my way!  


* * *

ritsu shikishima is a virgin  
lol   
omw  


* * *

ostinato_thorn  
Faster.  


* * *

lucidityprototype  
oh scary  
ill be back later   


* * *

kagi-p  
baiiii   


* * *

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the caligula chat (esp shizu) for inspiring this and paul and john for supplying me with the wire icons!!!
> 
> the skin was made by Heterochromia_mars and is posted here ! https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142470
> 
> this will be multi-chapter so shadow knife, shounen doll and wicked will all get more lines later, and also the plot of caligula will actually be mentioned in other chapters possibly


End file.
